NYC Pilgrimage

I knew I would need to find a home in case I had to move back to the states after my visa runs out. NY seemed like the most obvious option to most everyone who knows me, or has seen my room covered in NY art. However I left the city on rather bitter terms, and being that it holds so many memories of my ex I really wasn’t sure how I felt about the idea.

So I planned something spur of the moment ish and I am going on a week long holiday to the big apple to sort things out. Lucky for me my best friend from school Nick now lives there and will put me up so I can stay with him. I am nervous about this trip because, A) I have to fly alone, B) I don’t really know how to pick a fight with a city, and C) I’m not sure what I’m looking for.

One of my works mates asked me once if I was excited about my pilgrimage. I thought this was a bit extreme at the time and it made me nauseous just thinking about it. However she rationalised that a pilgrimage is a long journey made by an individual to a place that is considered sacred or special. “If Clarice was ever going to go to a place that held great meaning all by herself in search of answers or deeper understanding this trip would be it.”

So I guess I’m going on a pilgrimage, it took me a while to get use to the idea, but I am warming up to it, and it is providing me some sort of focus to prepare for the journey. Or so I thought any way. I Googled “pilgrimage” and came up with some definitions or typical elements that are associated with the word. Essentially it’s a trip or journey that begins and ends with God, designed to remove oneself from the worries or strife of every day life, heading to a specific place of meaning to seek answers, or pay homage to something. Based on that I came up with some questions relevant to my trip that might help give me focus so I didn’t feel like I was flying off in a random direction with no point or purpose.

However as you can see bellow I didn’t get very far with my answers. Best I can think is to take a dance class in the Bronx. So if you can help fill in any of the answers that would be cool.

Thanx…..

1)What is God to me?
Goodness, love, peace, serenity, strength, courage, putting others 1st.

2)Where would I go to look for God?
Nature, where people are, places that frighten me, places where there was need, places of beauty.

3)What is it to separate myself from daily concerns?
Meditation, relaxation, fulfilling all my required needs, lowering my expectations of what is actually a need, thinking of others.

4)What are my concerns?
Life’s path, confidence, monetary constraints, maintaining peace and order.

5)How do I separate myself from them?


6)Where is a place of meaning for me in NY?


7)What is its meaning?



8)How do I pay homage to that?



9)How do I travel in the presence of god?

The Trail

Walking along this dirt path of life I alternate between dreaming of the interesting things I will see or people I will meet, and stopping to enjoy the flowers and lovely views along the way. Some times I have company with me, and occasionally I choose to walk alone. However I am coming up to a clearing with a massive cross roads according to my map (aka the stamp in my passport that says my visa will run out in Nov) I know there are great decisions I must make at this point in the trail, and I am dreading it, as I’m the only one who can make the choice. I know that my choice will affect my future journey and therefore the woman I become.

So to get others involved, hopefully make this less daunting, and encourage supportive company I am posting my thoughts on my blog for open discussion. I will however ask one thing of you… Please comment cautiously as I am STRESSIN, and it is hugely important to me to make a good choice. Most of you will know I am easily persuaded because I think so highly of your opinions, so be kind in your votes for my future.

To stay in Scotland:
I will need a new visa. I can go back to Uni, or find a job that will get my work visa. Getting a work visa is problematic at best, although I will send out lots of applications just in case I get lucky. Going back to Uni would cost me £1700 per year, but I can save that much working over the summer so no loan would be required. I would either be studying Theatre Production (aka directing for stage) or Film studies (aka directing for film). I did submit my application so we will see. If you wish to read my personal statement it is also on the blog.

I don’t necessarily believe in studying something just to get a visa, that would make it an expensive visa, but these are subjects I am interested in a bit. The big question is weather or not I feel I need more formal education, or weather or not I feel I have all the skills I need to pursue my career with out it? Or perhaps I should think to myself, if I had permanent right to remain, would I be going back to school or trying to start my career?

Going back to the States:
Would mean I have to move, but the bigger worry is where would I go? Do I have a place that I call home there? Would I be able to settle, and make a place for myself that I feel happy and comfortable in? I don’t just want to end up somewhere because I got kicked out of my home and had no where else to go. NY comes to mind, but I don’t know how I feel about that yet. For more info on NY, go see the NYC Pilgrimage post.

I could run off and ignore either option:
Backpacking across Europe is definitely my preferred option but when my 8 week tour is done I will have to return home again and I will need to know where that home is. So although this is the most fun of all the options, really it only delays my decisions rather than answers them for me.

Any ways, your thoughts are welcome!!!!!!

My Peronal Statement

This is my sad attempt to write a personal statement for my Uni application. I haven't decided on any thing yet so don't panic. I just though it only cost £15 to apply so it doesn't hurt to open a door just in case. However I absolutely hate talking myself up, so the following is my best attempt to sell myself. I received comments saying it was too flowery (one I hear a lot about my writing), I got comments saying it was vague, other saying it was too proud, or not proud enough. Either way its done and sent so here it is...

There are many gifts I have been blessed with in my life, most of them in the form of knowledge and experience. The ones I find most helpful on a daily basis are a confident awareness that everyone deserves happiness, a knowledge that happiness is created not found and if you can find the pleasurable side of hard work, your successes will be many in number. However perhaps I should start from the beginning. My name is Clarice I am an American, full of enthusiasm, optimistic, and I have a slightly obsessive work ethic.

Starting from a young age I have been determined and goal oriented. Along with an unquenchable curiosity I have allowed myself to explore the world’s potential with great passion. Being granted by special petition to graduate a year early from secondary school with distinction I began my higher education in the performing arts. I travelled to New York City to begin my exploration of the centre of a great industry, and finally found my travels ending here in Edinburgh where I continued my career development with an HND in Musical Theatre achieving merits in the subject of dance for both years. This is when I discovered the abounding joy at waking up every day to something I love, and vowed no matter what I will pursue my dreams with relentless passion so that I may keep this sense of pride in my routine with me always.

In line with this personal goal I have continued my growth and education after graduation by taking dance classes in a variety of styles. Also I have started building the foundations of my career by choreographing a musical cabaret for a few of the students at Stevenson College. Currently I am preparing to teach an introductory course in Musical Theatre for the Adult Education Program funded by Edinburgh City Council. My highly organized skills have aided me greatly both in my education and employment. I have been able to maintain a high number of working hours in often more than one occupation simultaneously to fund my studies. Luckily I have been blessed with the ability to multitask, making the most of every situation or moment allowing me to continue with a rigorous schedule meeting the high goals I set for myself. Because of my cheery and optimistic personality I really enjoy working with others, and perform best in a team environment with goals or deadlines set before me. This is one of the many reasons I have chosen the arts as the direction of my career. I truly enjoy meeting new people and collaborating on projects, pulling together the strengths of each individual contributing to a common effort. I am aware of the competitive environment that one should be prepared for with a career in the arts. I thrive on challenges and take a great deal of personal pride in my achievements when I have accomplished a goal set before me weather personal or professional.

One of the wisest things I have learned to date is that the more I learn the more I am becoming aware of how much there is available to know. This is why I have decided to continue with my formal education in pursuit of a wider knowledge base to work with in my future career aspirations. I would like to thoroughly explore the aspects of visual and performing arts and their potential for amalgamation. I wish to gain a greater knowledge of the industry and the subtle idiosyncrasies that help distinguish those whom live for their work and those whom work for a living.

TxtATale #3

TxtATale: (Please be patient) Once upon a time in a large castle seated on a great cliff there were servants rushing about in preparation for a great ball. A vast list of distinguished guests were expected to attend in all their finery. The host of this elaborate night was none other than Father time. He wanted to gather together all the great powers in hopes of persuading them to offer their gifts to the New Year so that 2008, would be a memorable one. You see father time was growing week and tired showing that soon he would need to retire and let his nephew Hickory take over. Hickory was brilliant at running all the worlds clocks and kept perfect time. Unfortunately he wasn’t very good in making the personal adjustments required when time needed bent a touch. He also kept himself very busy with his work and hardly took moments to enjoy for himself. So many doubted his abilities.Among those expected was Madam Prosperity, generally a cold and icy woman. Two of the 7 famous sisters, Freya Kypris of the Palace at Lust and Adephagia of Gluttony Shire. Nodens Silvanus was sure to come and please the ladies. His reputation falsely extended his power to heal to include the gift of restored youth and beauty.

However Father time didn’t realise that some of his guests had an agenda of their own this evening to gain more power and status. Except Lady Fortuna, shy and flighty she attended simply due to her crush on Hickory. Fortuna was afraid his consistent routines would detest the unpredictable life that she endured. When she was a young girl she would climb the tower to the chime room and listen to the cacophony of ringing that drowned out other noises. This is where she met Hickory. Sadly her luck was temperamental and one day she knocked over a tall clock that started a dreadful chain reaction and her mortification.

The ball started well with glimmering candles along the walls, sweeping dresses brushing the floors, and the echoes of laughter filled the arched stone ceilings. Nodens quickly agreed to give good health as his gift for the coming year. Prosperity also agreed to donate to the cause in some moderation. Freya had a different idea in mind for the evening. She spent her time trying to seduce the busy and distracted Hickory who kept checking his watch. Meanwhile her sister of Gluttony, who she called Adeph was plying Fortuna with cakes and sweets that were not very good for her. For you see Freya wanted to marry Hickory herself so she could use her feminine persuasion to convince him to slow down time giving way to passion and love. Nodens Silvanus was concerned how time would haunt the aged and infirm if it were slower. He mentioned this to prosperity whom seemed indifferent. While dancing with Nodens, Lady Fortuna mentioned her unrequited crush on the young nephew. He felt that it would be a brilliant chance to place a small Fortuna sized glitch in Freya’s plan. Sadly just as he was trying to engage Hickory in a manly conversation about women Fortuna slipped into a bowl of punch.

Hickory was a lovely gentleman and offered to lead the poor girl profusely blushing into a warm room in the castle with a blazing fire so she could dry a bit. Her luck had a turn for the worse or perhaps the better as she tripped on one of the stairs and fell clumsily into his arms. There was a moments breath before Hickory decided to enjoy the unusual place he found him self in by kissing the beautiful girl. At that moment time seemed to slow or even stop and suddenly he understood what it was for time to bend as needed. As soon as she was dry Hickory raced to tell his uncle. Freya was very unhappy to hear about how the young nephew had learned this important life lesson. She began to throw a fit cursing all the guests in attendance. When the two sisters stormed out of the ball the others made it a New Years Resolution to give up bad habits like sweats or ill fated love.

Time and Luck were married living an unpredictable but passionate existence. They lived happily ever after. The End!!!

May the coming year bring you health, prosperity, luck, love, strength in your resolutions, and unpredictable adventure!!!!

Yikes!!! Clarice with a hang over!

This is a random but entertaining story about my wild night out, on a work night none the less....

Uhg!!! I think I have the 1st hang over of my life today. Its all Fiona's fault. Was just sitting at my desk very innocent like and she said at half 7 "Oh I'm going out strait from work in 30 min to the pub. Come and have a drink with me?"

I tried to throw every excuse I could at her. I was tired, had been working for 11 hours. I had a million things to do at home, I hate social situations, I hadn't eaten any thing but a small bag of pretzels all day, I wont know any one, I wasn't dressed for it, I work at 9am the next day, I'm skint, and I really needed to wash my hair (I wasn't kidding I really did)

Then she said "Look Clarice, I love you, but you can go home with your well balanced meal, clean hair, organized underwear drawer, and shopping list all done. Or you can come out with your best friend and meet new amazing people who may also be good friends some day. When you are old and telling stories to your grandkids what do you want to look back on?"

I tried to protest that one couldn't just party their whole life, responsibilities are some times necessary. So she asked me what on my list couldn't be skipped or done after I got home, or in the morning. What about going for one drink was going to make me a wild party animal living on the edge.

So I decided to go for 1. Got a portion of chips on the way, so I now had pretzels and chips under my belt to ward off the ONE drink I was planning on. Turns out the pub was way out in Leith by the shore. A rather swanky pub, and full of mature proper adults 24 years and older. Talking about important things like, politics, arts, culture, passion, careers, and family matters. There wasn't a shy, or un-interesting one in the bunch. The fact that there must have been about 20 or so people frightened me, but the 4 drinks I had helped wash that away. I don't generally believe in drinking away your fears, but I can say I was cleverly distracted by the sparkling conversations, that I hadn't noticed people kept buying me drinks, so it was an accident of sorts.

I was obviously being a bit more irresponsible than I had intended but it was fun. I had a geography lesson, heard about travels across the globe far and wide, talked about Contemporary dancing with a lovely man from the Czech Republic, and then went outside for a brilliant photography lesson with the nicest digital camera and a truly lovely man from Poland as well. The lesson was all about playing with light, and very cool special effects that you can do with the new digital cameras. The group that dwindled down to the end, was a group of 8, all from different countries. Represented was the brilliant and witty USA, the charming Ireland, the well mannered Scotland, the friendly India, the passionate Poland, the enthusiastic Czech, the sarcastic Aussi, and a laid back New Zealand. Well the famous number 1 turned out to be 1 O'clock, not 1 drink. The pub closed and I was feeling thoroughly pleased with a lovely night.

Then someone said the magic word.... The curse of my life.... "do you guys want to go Dancing?!?!?"

Nooooooo!!!! I put my fingers in my ears, and started to sing. La la la la! I couldn't hear them I wasn't going. But alas I failed, one of them found my Achilles heel. El Barrio salsa dancing!!!!! Dun Dun Duuuuunnnn!

So one actually turned into 3. Had it been 3 drinks not 3 O'clock I probably wouldn't be feeling so ill. Had it been 3 O'clock but no drinking I would be sleepy but fine. However I have learned two very important things about Eastern Europeans they can not only hold a good rhythm, but they can hold one hell of a lot of drink too. There was plenty of partners to go around, some of the best social dancing of my life, and a very caring and affectionate group of people. So I had a late and naughty night dancing drinking and learning to speak Czech.

Now I am at work wishing my computer would blow up so they would have to send me home, blessing the nectar of life called the 'Bacon Roll' and counting down the hours till bed time.

Ah well, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

=)

Philosophy Ramblings

Ok. This is truly bizarre. I have no idea why I wrote it, what its for, or really how long I have had it. But as I so rarely write about philosophical things I thought I would post it for amusement of others, or bemusement as the case may be.....

Imagine a moving swirling energy blob. Something like a water balloon. If one side gets pushed in the other side stretches out and the water will adjust to sit level. Water compensates to its container.

Ever seen that add were someone does something stupid on one side of the world so on the other side a smart person gets insurance or something to balance it out. One thing goes on one side of the world and on the other side an opposite reaction so the energy (water in the balloon) cal balance and level out.

Imagine that there is a super mathematical pattern where if everything was doing a precise thing at a precise time and place the world could be at a balance. If for every good deed there was a bad one, for every person sleeping there was one waking up. A split second in time were if all the numbers/ pieces of the puzzle were in the equation in their rightful places the world would balance out.

Have you ever tried that game where a group of people stand in a circle and all carefully and slowly sit aiming for the lap of the person behind them. Even if you have a huge fat man in front of a smallish girl if the trick is done right the weight evens out almost instantaneously so you can all rest in a state of balance.

Could this be done with the world?

Is there any one thing that every thing is comprised of? Atoms? Or Energy? Is it possible that there is something else we all share that could be our connection to the energy blob?


Imagine if that’s our connection to the balance. If I am sleeping and dreaming of pleasant things I could be spiritually charged positive to allow a connection with a greater amount of energy, and if somewhere else a person was awake and living in a nightmare they could be negatively charged expelling energy only maintaining the bare minimum to have motor functions. But what if while I was sleeping I was missing the alarm causing a negative effect, while a third person just completed an application for social work and may be someday the person who will help another out of their living nightmare? It could all balance.

Time could be an issue, with things constantly changing one minute I could have tons of energy the next I could wake up realising that I’ve slept through the 1st hour of work and it could all fluctuate. If you are gently wobbling a water balloon from one hand to the next, or letting it rest on a table and poking it in different places will there ever be a point in the constant movement of the water when it balances out?
Maybe time could freeze, or the world would stop if this balance ever happened. Maybe its perpetual changing is the process to find a balance, the reason for continuing.


If a simultaneous balance could not be found could you say that over a period of 10 years every person/ living thing/ or even every single thing living or not would have had an equal amount of energy pass through them/ it. That the good and the bad in the world would actually balance out for every thing in a certain period of time if not all at the same time?

Maybe we are already here. How would we know? What if the world has been fluctuating through balance and each person’s life evens out with another all along?

It is a theory that is not uncommon to man… What goes around comes around… Karma… Yin/Yang


Trouble is:

In order to have a balance one needs a defined weight? Take scales for example an exact equal weight has to be on each side and that weight is measurable. Who decides that weight? Is there a higher power? Is it just balance itself? Is there a living thing in the energy/water balloon? Does it work to balance itself? Could we force it out of balance either accidentally or wilfully by going against our design or our ‘meant to be’? (By intentionally misplacing a piece of the equation?) Is there a large force that would correct the imbalance some where later in life? Ex: a big buss could run a murderer over?

Can every thing have a balance? Or an opposite reaction?

TxtATale #2

TxtATale: Once upon a time before the world had animals or people there were 3 essences. Theodore, a slow patient spirit in charge of though. Imogen, mischievous, playful, and alluring, in charge of imagination. And finally the mostly dignified yet strangely expressive Emma, in charge of emotions. Imogen could create millions of things in the time her beautifully long lashes would flutter when she was pretending to be coy, but it was Emma who gave her creations depth and sensation. Theodore was the practical one, solving disputes, giving the ladies work meaning and maintaining strength via reason. Theodore and Emma spent a great deal of time together. An ancient friendship fitting together like a leaf in the wind. They worked out the perfect balance to keep adrift their company in perfect flight and yet not send it blustering off in a frenzy. Emma would listen to Theodore talk endlessly about the world and all that it encompassed as she would express the feelings evoked by those thoughts Theodore would watch as if it were an unobtainable movie. Imogen would often get jealous of the balanced exchange those two shared and the deep rooted friendship it inspired. She didn’t feel half as flighty as they perceived her to be. She would create images or objects simply for the sake of destroying them again because she could.

After careful thought Imogen decided to create something so perfect and beautiful that Theodore and Emma would have to see the value in it. They would beg her to leave in the world for all time. Obviously it would take careful focus of her imagination to create something worthy of the world’s eternity. Emma and Theodore grew curious as Imogen had hardly any attention span and they couldn’t for a minute imagine what she would be working so hard on. When it was finished she called a meeting of the essences for all to judge. It was a beautiful scene that made Emma cry sadly and in turn Theodore displeased. There were tall pine trees dressed in a light powdery snow, a pond frozen over with an icy silver surface, and delicate snow flakes dancing and twirling in the wind as they fell. The sun was shining and Imogen called it winter. Emma thought it was cold and depressing. Nothing would grow or prosper here. Imogen sent them out to make improvements. She was not going to give up easily. She decorated every tree with tiny twinkling, lights, and red berries. A small village full of happy elves with small pointy ears was put in the centre. Wrapped packages were placed on every surface for colour, and sugar plum fairies danced to carols sung by the elves. Imogen lost her focus a bit because when she sat back to observe her work she noticed lights across every home and above the streets not to mention the flying reindeer. “It would be hard not to love this” she said and called the other two in.

Emma immediately took too the improvements, expressing an odd sort of joy filled with curiosity, and anticipation. She wanted to open every package in the entire place. Imogen hadn’t thought to actually fill the packages with things; however she was luckily very quick to imagine all sorts of goodies for Emma to enjoy. Theodore was a touch jealous, and criticised this place as having no meaning or purpose. Emma turned to him sitting in a pile of torn paper and boxes “Can we please give this place to the people?” “I don’t think this is a good idea, Emma” Theodore replied in his best voice of reason. “but think of all the smiling children in the world” Emma retorted. “your not thinking your feeling, if you were thinking you would be thinking about the orphans in the world with no parents or family, the poor homeless with no home or heating, if you were thinking you would see why this was a bad idea.” Imogene took this terribly and her lovely creation began to fade away. “Perhaps if we all worked together we could create something to give to the people that would help them create this themselves. Perhaps something with a bit of thought, love, happiness, and creativity.” Emma said to console her. “Can we call it a spirit like us?” Imogen asked “The Spirit of Christmas!” Thoedore said with a smile. Imogen could see an image years in the future of people ringing bells on every street corner to collect for the poor, she could hear the sound of thousands of children laughing, and squealing with joy as they tear open their packages, and she could smell the massive banquette being cooked for homeless shelters across the globe to feed the hungry. Thus the spirit of Christmas was born. Imogen waited patiently every year for the joy of Christmas to come around. Merry Christmas!

Txt A Tale: #1

The following are fairy tales I make up on the spot and send via txt message to friends or such who may be in need of entertainment or cheering up. You will see them periodically posted in numerical order as they come. Please note that they have been typed verbatim with no editing, so many of the stories will seem raw or primitive. The magic is in the fact that I create them on the spot and delete them again so they are not meant to be kept or treasured but rather fleeting moments of joy...

Once upon a time in a far off enchanted wood there was a tiny Fairy who had the power to put little children to sleep with her dancing. Espidella was so graceful and delicate that even the most stubborn little ones would become enchanted by her movement and fall fast asleep.

Then one day an evil Queen caught the fairy so she could use her to catch and keep little girls asleep. Then when they were sleeping she would catch their breath in a decorated glass bottle, this was the secret ingredient in her youth potion that kept the queen so young and beautiful. The poor little fairy was made to dance constantly and she was growing weary herself. The Queen threatened to rip off her tender little wings if she stopped for even a second. A young tree Sprite heard of this delicate treasure and her imprisonment. He gathered his closest friends and they set off. Just one brave tree Sprite two goofy sidekicks and a drunken squirrel for a steed, the prospects for success did not look good. The evil Queen was growing younger and younger every day. When the gentlemen arrived to rescue the poor fairy they discovered the power of the children’s breath. When the Queen went to bed the tree Sprites snuck in several brave children from the local village and had them all breath heavily into the glass bottle for a long time, they all hid and the next morning when the queen, made her brew and drank her breakfast the youth potion worked so well she turned into a child herself. The little Fairy gave one final flourish on her dance and the Queen went right to sleep. They tied her up and took flight. The poor little Fairy slept the entire way home in the arms of her rescuer. To thank him her father the Fairy king gave him a magic bell that would bring him directly to their dwelling if he rang it softly. Of course he never intended for it to be used in secret in the dead of the night but that’s the brave youth for you. The end.